What’s sexier than the plague?
In which we make the best of these worst of times. Stay safe. Stay at home. Stay sexy. Wash your hands and… other bits… and COVID – 19.
COVID – 19 References
In these unprecedented (debate-able times) the throbbers discuss the sexiness of coronavirus. In particular we discuss our bingo… please partake and share with friends!!!
BUT ALSO!!! We have guest! Her name is Ginger, and she has intimate knowledge of the dating scene during COVID-19… Incredibly horny! But also how everyone is discovering how many of their coworkers are cam girls… or pondering that we might all be cam girls now.
Sex Isolation Bingo Squares
- Fell in love with a character
- Sexted a relative stranger
- Wrote an angsty love song
- Took nudes… just for yourself
- Masturbated way more than usual due to boredom
- Masturbated while you were supposed to be working from home
- Felt completely un-sexual (different than asexual, which is a sexual orientation… I think… I could be wrong… please inform me if so)
- Briefly panicked watching people touch on tv
- Had sex with your roommate
- Had a good cry
- Watched/read a new type of porn
- Read sexy quarantine themed fan-fiction
- FREE SPACE [Stress Masturbated]
- Went on a FaceTime date
- Wrote some erotica
- Met up in person and felt guilty about it
- Bought a new sex toy online
- Had video chat sex
- Masturbated in the bathroom
- Started a new sexy workout
- Bought lingerie
- Walked around naked
- Swiped right on everyone to find someone to talk to
- Stopped working out because no one is gonna see you IRL
- Sexted your partner
FIND IT ON INSTAGRAM <—– This is us please follow!
We discuss if TikTok is a quarantine past time? But also why are people posting it on instagram? Is it that old people have joined TikTok? And Instagram is for old people? Are WE old people? Probably…
Felling Un-Sexual
Gina is feeling very scared of interacting and touching people, her sexual arousal has been completely disconnected from human beings. She’s still masturbating… don’t get me wrong… she makes it very clear she is STILL masturbating. Her horniness is being removed from other people… and been reduced to her vibrator.
Hannah and Sissel both discuss their reduced horniness. Sissel agrees that vibrators are arousing. Attraction to machines, quarantine problems.
Maisie (and everyone) is really getting into the bored masturbating routine, no one is that turned on but treat yourself to some bored masturbation. There are no better options these days.
Ginger is too fucking irritated and mentally exhausted so she has no energy for masturbation. Gina has been 100% compensating for her anxiety by working too hard and thus exhausting herself into not being horny. Hannah has also been pushing her energies into work because it’s the only thing she can control right now, so masturbation has been low on her list of priorities. But she has been having quarantine themed stress sex dreams!!! YAY!!!! Gotta love some illegal state park tree fucking! (Only in dreams though… sad face.)
COVID – 19 Dreams
Gotta love some illegal state park tree fucking! (Only in dreams though… sad face)
Or dreams about hand sanitizer?
Have you had any quarantine dreams? Maybe about traveling and feeling sooooo fucking guilty! Because we have…
Maisie and Sissel’s are fucked up at this point. Maisie, who is unemployed, is staying up way too late and masturbating to try and fall asleep. While Sissel isn’t have “quarantine” dreams but she is sleeping in more than she should so she’s remembering her dreams more.
But also everyone’s sleep schedule is fucked! Kelly though is getting great sleep, 100%, peak sleep. So fuck her.
Masturbation Techniques With Lucy
There are no techniques… but she also lives with essentially 4 people in a smallish apartment and that has reduced her sex drive because she doesn’t want to have sex with them.
Lucy is also unemployed and so she’s very glad she lives with people because it would certainly suck to not only be not working but also live alone. She is grateful for the roommates. Intriguingly the group is split almost 50/50 for living alone or with people
Gina, Sissel, & Hannah live alone
Lucy, Kelly, Maisie, & Ginger live with people
Gina is managing through work and is feeling mostly okay.
Maisie is frustrated because she lives with her parents but they impede her ability to bang about in the kitchen or interact with them (because they’re working and can’t talk to her).
Sissel and Ginger reminisce about college when they lived with bad roommates who would be there… but not present… you know what I mean? THE ABSOLUTE WORST!
Ginger discusses how living with a roommate 24/7 without as much separation was hard at first. Really having to manage her irritation levels and not find things her roommate was doing annoying. Getting a schedule and taking time apart really helped.
This is when we realized it’s been 4 weeks since the start… at the release of this episode it will have been over a month. This all started on Friday the 13th!
Interacting with People and Regretting It…
Sissel agrees with Friday the 13th being the beginning because she went to a kid’s birthday party the weekend immediately following and regretted it. She is living alone but not completely isolating, she’s still seeing her boyfriend. He is also isolating… So it’s not bad… Right?
Sissel discusses her 73 year old father who will not let quarantine slow him down… The cognitive dissonance necessary for Sissel to not freak out about his behavior is quite large.
She confusingly jumps back and forth between her father and her boyfriend… *cough* Freud *cough*
The gaming community is booming! Have you noticed?
Bidet Anyone?
Ginger really is winning quarantine because she and her roommate got a new toilet and a bidet! Doesn’t have the drying function though… so she should have splurged. Hannah suggests, quite sensibly, that she should use the blow dryer.
Most importantly we ask… Does it have a sexual component? Then everyone attacks Sissel (she deserved it…) for being super into water play. Sissel laments not staying in with Ginger for this pandemic. Then Ginger laments that they aren’t on their vacation abroad… *sobbing*
but back to the topic at hand…
Zoom Dates in the Time of COVID – 19
Lucy went on a zoom date and she really appreciated the lack of pressure? She put in some more than usual effort into her appearance but she felt like it was much easier to leave the situation because she was home.
Ginger doesn’t feel like this held true for her, she felt like it was harder to come up with reasons to end the date, no commute times to blame or projects that need to be accomplished.
Ginger really discovered the cream of the horny cream of the crop online. Essentially everyone is just more open about their horniness now that they’re in quarantine. People are explicitly asking her to physically come over. WHICH IS DUMB!!!!! Lucy has not had this experience.
Everyone encourage Ginger to start a Social Dickstancing (copywrite [Throbbing] Members Only) Instagram account of thirsty dudes on Tinder.
Also will Chlamydia spike (and other STIs)? Place bets now!
There will definitely be COVID-19 babies…
Speaking of Children
Quarantining with children would be awesome according to Maisie’s mom… or horrible according to reasonable humans. It seems like a lot of work to manage the children, coordinating the zoom meetings and what not. Interestingly, most of the Throbbers have been interacting with way more dad’s managing child care.
Quarantine… Is… Really… Unsexy…
BUT HOLD UP
Sissel influenced Ginger’s roommate to get an app controlled vibrator which lets your partner pulsate your frau garten from afar! Her roommate’s partner used and felt a bit like he was playing fruit ninja. So there are options out there to make quarantine sexy. Maybe try this one? https://www.lelo.com/remoji-diver
Gina completely didn’t realize this thing existed (even though Sissel told her about it) and now she’s BACK mother fucker! Her wheels are spinning and the possibility of sex is on the horizon.
It’s probably reasonably safe technology wise, and definitely safe social distancing wise! Send the codes to your zoom dates and have some socially distant fun! It’s good virtual dating! Ginger is now a spokesperson.
Now before we jump full tilt into sex toys, Sissel wanted to talk about group dating. She had a couple they were talking with pre-stay-at-home order… who asked to meet up AFTER stay-at-home order. Are we in a responsible bubble? Are we really that responsible?
Sissel doesn’t really want to zoom date them though… It’ll ruin her hopes and dreams for the IRL interaction.
COVID – 19 Sex Toys
In this section we review our COVID Stress purchases, these are what we bought!
Magic Wand (it’s honestly supposed to be a back massager)
Don’t let your bank judge you for you sexy toys… But also maybe take up magic during these times?
Wash your packaging!!!! ( COVID – 19 Disclaimers )
Ginger didn’t buy anything new but she is using the vibrator that Sissel bought her… Maybe this one?
Sissel tries to convince someone to buy a vibrator at Lelo because she wants the free gift lol.
Sissel is somewhat bummed because the day after she ordered they released a promotional code and she’s a little bitter about it… She’ll get over it…
Also everyone watch Letterkenny it’s really fun to watch even when you aren’t being controlled remotely in order to masturbate.
Also Derry Girls which is “Irish in the Troubles Letterkenny” according to Gina
Characters We’ve Been Falling in Love with
Abed
Gentleman Jack
Bailey (the dark haired one)
The Nick
Gilbert (Anne with an E)
Sissel PSA
TAKE A SEXY PICTURE OF YOURSELF!
There’s a bunch of articles about sending nudes to friends… It’s a thing! Bask in your friends love!
Or just do something nice for yourself, it’s hard out there right now.
Thank You For Listening!
We are all able-bodied, cisgendered white women. We know our background and experiences only cover a percentage of those around us which is why we want to supplement this with guest speakers, research, and you. If you have opinions and experiences you’d like to share we would love to hear it! If, however, you just want to spew hate at us then we can’t stop you but instead we invite you to suck our collective clitorises. Hater. This podcast also contains mature sexual themes and swearing. No, clitoris isn’t a swear word.
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