“Corona is definitely a man.”
In which we start with one topic and devolve entirely too quickly. Much like 2020, it’s a hot mess of a scramble.
Scramble Time!
We’re still in the middle of a pandemic… But that isn’t necessarily the reason some of us aren’t having sex! So we decided to meet up (online) and talk about how to experience being sexual while not having sex.
Hannah can’t even remember the last time she had sex, but she was trying to date right before the pandemic. She went on this date, right before shut down, and was mildly annoyed he wouldn’t shut up about Covid-19. He was probably guilty, or has really bad anxiety and that’s why he was talking about it so much.
Honestly though she really felt like this comic is a Corona mood:
But also! She shakes hands on dates?!?! Maybe that’s why she hasn’t had sex in awhile. Most of the Throbbers think it is weird to not hug, but Sissel wishes hugging was not normal, as does Lucy. Gina likes to bro nod. Then again, maybe shaking hands isn’t the weirdest thing.
And speaking of dating someone new: Sometimes we don’t actually know the face of the person we are about to go on a date with. Sometimes it’s our fault, because we’re embarrassing and can’t remember anyone’s faces. Sometimes they shave their faces or change their hair or just have a forgettable face. Who could really blame us.
We also apparently don’t care about their names either? We might be horrible people.
The Throbbers Aren’t Here to Talk About Dating
Or maybe we are? Did you know that dating apps are integrating video chats into their process? That’s cool.
You know what’s also cool? Chat Roulette! Which maybe Hinge will become? But maybe there’s a new chat roulette? Are we showing our age knowing what chat roulette is?
Love In The Time Of Corona
At the beginning of all this, Kelly really wondered if it would be fun to meet the love of your life in such a strange and historic time. She no longer thinks that. It would suck.
Hannah is angry that the Rona is taking all our money, assets, and our mental health.
Should we have gendered a virus? Yes Corona is a man. He plays with our emotions, is bad for our mental health, is clingy, sometimes spreads constantly, and other times refuses to spread.
(It refuses to infect Mike Pence (at the date we’re recording this, anyway, heh.))
We are not turned on by this conversation… especially Mike Pence.
Rage does turn Gina on, but not Kelly, she is a Type 9, INFP (she must, for some reason, say). She hates conflict. As do Hannah and Lucy. It does not a horny experience make.
Sex Drive MIA
Kelly really doesn’t feel sexual. She’s just so bored. So so bored. Sissel goes through waves, but it’s weird. Her normal is to be generally horny all the time, but during these pandemic times she’s mostly un-horny and then will have a couple of “on” days.
The Throbbers think she should track this. We then start talking about period tracking apps and hormonal relationship to horniness. Sissel and Gina both found them useless because their horniness level is high and constant. (In normal times, anyway.)
Eve is a fun app, but not a great gradient of sexual arousal.
The Throbbers Scale (Improved):
- Dead Fish (not even cold fish)
- Eh I guess, could be persuaded
- I’m down, could initiate
- I’m feeling pretty frisky
- DO ME NOW
The distinction between being willing to initiate and not is very important, we feel. It indicates a different level of energy.
Where is MIA (the rapper) These Days?
Really though? Where is she? Did she finally live up to her namesake?
High School
This topic reminded Sissel of her high school self. Very sexual, not having sex. Well honestly, most of her life has been her not having sex. And even after having sex she’d go whole years between sexual encounters.
So, she basically was dealing with a lot of sexual energy with nowhere to go, tried to filter it into sexy dancing, masturbating, and being super aggressive.
Sissel remembers a story of having a chapstick in her pocket, and a cute nice guy pointing it out and actually touching it, and being real shook about the whole thing. The Throbbers agree that that would have gotten them riled as well, in high school at least. The time when anyone even remotely attractive, on the periphery of your life, showing you attention is suddenly ragingly hot.
The thing Sissel has realized in adulthood, you should just ask people if they want to have sex with you, it will probably be successful. Because hints aren’t as obvious as we think they are.
(Sissel one time also chased a guy down a hallway for a date, nbd.)
Throbbers did not attend dances with romantic partners, for the most part. Sissel did twice, but one of them she really didn’t want to be a date and it was awkward. Honestly you get much cuter pictures when you go with just your friends anyways. Fuck the patriarchy! Don’t let them tell you need a date for dances.
Anyway, Vibrators
Like many people in quarantine, Hannah bought a new vibrator. A giant Hitachi wand! They still sell them as the ones you can plug into the wall, so it’s like the OG vibrator. She was really not feeling her Satisfyer (Kelly is a fan, on the contrary) and she struggled with her rabbit, because she doesn’t always relax enough for the penetrative aspect, so it was the perfect time for a new vibe. She enjoys the larger surface area being stimulated by the wand, as it means her clit doesn’t get as sore from multiple days of masturbating.
Side note: We talk about masturbation toys in a couple episodes, we do recommend them… obviously.
Episode 12 – She Cute Tho & Episode 8 – 3…2…1…COVID
Hannah and Gina are probably in a similar sensation spectrum, where they need more overall stimulation, versus direct specific stimulus.
Hannah notices that she feels a really strong urge to date when she’s masturbating because she’s horny and wishes she had someone to share it with her.
Gina is really struggling with this whole pandemic thing because she finds masturbating and sex to solve two very different desires, and covid means she can only do one. She needs that Vitamin D. V? C? These are all good metaphors.
A big part of feeling sexual when you aren’t having sex is taking care of yourself. Covid really doesn’t make that easy.
Covid Is Not Healthy
We’re not taking very good care of ourselves these days. Not working out, not sleeping well, stress scrolling, not healthy.
We’re just waiting for this second peak of infections. Kelly says maybe it will never happen, and maybe it’ll just keep going. Waves that are always going on and on, and are never satisfying. Like Hannah when using the Satisfyer.
#notsponsored #pleasesponsorus #freevibrators
(P.S. Kelly was totally right, it’s now November and there’s another spike in cases where we are but it never went down that much. Love, Kelly)
We discuss how we associate feeling healthy with feeling sexy. We associate being active and on top of things with feeling sexual. Eating our vitamins, so to speak.
Which is all part of how Corona is ruining our sexiness.
Kelly talks about how she’s not experiencing anything new during Covid, and that really just takes all the sexy out of these times.
Were We Supposed To Actually Give Advice On How to Feel Sexy Instead of Just Bitching?
Here is some advice:
Maybe taking photos will help? Maybe masturbating? All the sex toys are a great idea.
But honestly, we don’t know and our brains are as scrambled as this episode.
Food and Feeling Sexy
Maisie has a lot of digestive issues. And since her digestive surgery they’ve become different, and distinct. Now when she eats unhealthily she feels particularly disgusting and doesn’t want people to see her or touch her or any of that nonsense. One of her issues is bloating, and she finally understands the Jaime Lee Curtis commercials for Activia!
The other weekend, we had a fun slip n’ slide experience! (We were all outdoors and stayed apart, don’t worry.) Maisie wanted to make sure she looked good in her swimsuit, so she neglected eating beforehand to avoid bloating.
WE DON’T RECOMMEND THIS, for the record. The relationship between food and body image in general society is often fraught with trauma, and we urge you to do what makes you feel good. Also, we’re not gonna get into all of that because, again, our brains are mush.
Honestly, there are some foods that just make you feel unsexy, even if they are delicious (and we eat them all the time regardless). Fried food, burgers, mashed potatoes, or anything heavy or greasy. This leads us to…
Devolving Into Food Talk
Lucy is a vegetarian these days, and now when she eats fried food, it sometimes makes her feel icky. But what really makes her feel gross are fake meat things, like the Impossible burger, because by this point her body is not interested in the taste or the heaviness of the meat.
Hannah is also a vegetarian, and she loves the Morning Star Black bean burgers but they really fuck up her stomach. She refuses to stop eating them, because they are amazing.
Honestly all black bean burgers are soooo good. Make your own! We recommend this recipe by the Pioneer Woman. You can make them without egg, or try some different bread crumb mixes! Or maybe flax eggs? Or add aquafaba! Which Maisie is obsessed with!
Let’s Talk About Weight, If We Must
Talking about food and eating in relation to sex is fraught territory, especially when it comes to eating disorders and body image. And while we firmly believe that your weight should have nothing to do with your self worth and that our culture is super fucked up when it comes to this sort of thing, we’re human, and sometimes we feel shitty about ourselves anyway.
Hannah has been trying to not pay too close attention to her fluctuations in weight, and trying to avoid pushing herself too hard at working out because she’s worried about the weight she’s gaining. Workout injuries are real everyone!
She points out that she’s going through a very big transition in her life. She just moved into her own house, she’s living alone for the first time, and she’s going through a pandemic. Why should gaining weight make her feel unsexy? Why can’t she get that mentality out of her head?
Sissel has been struggling with almost body dysmorphia, because even though she doesn’t think she’s changed in quarantine very much, but she’ll look at herself some days and think, wow, I look bigger or ugly, but it’s probably not true at all.
Maisie points out that it’s fascinating that your brain when you’re feeling down, or mentally unhappy, makes you see yourself as ugly, regardless of how you actually look. It’s a weird weird thing.
Hannah reminisces on her time after college when she was trying to “get healthy” which was code for lose weight. (THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, DON’T BELIEVE DIET CULTURE!!!) But she did actually want to become stronger, and specifically develop more upper body strength, which is something she’s always struggled with despite having killer legs!
Maisie and Hannah are the opposite in muscle building skills, Maisie grows biceps just by throwing some clothes around, while Hannah just needs to go for a run for some shapely legs 😉
Kelly started gaining weight after college, and honestly she’s very happy with the ass she’s developed. Her anxiety is chronic but that ass is iconic.
@elle.lexxa Yessss??? #iconic #corset #corsetedwaist #corsetry #historicalfashion #historicalcostume #redheads #pinkaesthetic
♬ original sound – Lauren Prasanna
GO TO THERAPY!!!
We can’t recommend it enough at the moment, it might be more affordable than you think!
And Now: Friendship
Gina still thinks we’re all very hot. Gina is so kind to us. We really need to give her more compliments about her eyeshadow.
Honestly we are extremely connected, even in these times, which is something to be thankful for. Interdependent, not codependent. We communicate on all social media platforms, and have shared calendars and shared photo albums. There’s a 6 years old messenger chat we share with each other. We jokingly named it [Throbbing] Members Only and here we are today! We also have a Facebook group for sharing important things like What Kind of Witch Are You? quizzes and analysis of the the socio-economic state of the United States.
We also have a glorious spreadsheet of our interests, emergency contacts, personality tests, Clit bait, and what we want for gifts. We are insane, but very efficient. Our conversations are curated based on platform: on one we’ll be gossiping, on another we’ll be sharing pet pics, and another we’ll be discussing politics! We’re also have multiple messenger chats, because we need private chats for birthday planning, and chats for specifically book club. We’ve been in communication via messenger since 2015! It started with Lucy asking about us going to see the play The Illiad! Which was the semi-official beginning of Throbbers (the group, anyway.)
This podcast came later when Kelly needed a project after Trump’s election… and she knew Sissel would be down to have a sex podcast.
In summation, our brains are mush, the planet is on fire, but we love each other, so that’s nice.
p.s. Gina will maybe try and get laid during a pandemic. We will keep you updated!
Thank You For Listening!
We are all able-bodied, cisgendered white women. We know our background and experiences only cover a percentage of those around us which is why we want to supplement this with guest speakers, research, and you. If you have opinions and experiences you’d like to share we would love to hear it! If, however, you just want to spew hate at us then we can’t stop you but instead we invite you to suck our collective clitorises. Hater. This podcast also contains mature sexual themes and swearing. No, clitoris isn’t a swear word.
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