“I feel nothing…”
In which Hannah tells all (or really just a little) about herself. What qualities does she look for in a partner? What makes her feel sexy? It’s certainly not oysters.
Quickie References
1. What are things that make Hannah “happy”? (wink wink nudge nudge)
First things first: Someone who didn’t vote for Trump.
Ok, honestly, someone who voted for Hillary. Come at Hannah, internet.
Brief hiatus for trying on Gina’s bra. It’s a shelf bra. Many of us have room for extra scones in the cups if we wear it.
She is very unlikely to actually like someone. It’s like a shooting star!
So she wants someone who is less successful than her, a nice stay-at-home husband. Someone who is driven in their own way, someone who isn’t passive about what they want. And a democrat.
She wants someone who is fit, mostly because she gets anxious about someone dying because they don’t take care of themselves. She also likes a good back, arms, and BUTT. She’s interested in most ethnicities and a moderate age range.
2. Follow up – Long term or nothing?
At this point, if she’s going to be in a relationship with someone, she wants it to have an end goal. She’s not lonely, and she doesn’t feel like she’s missing anything. She has a very fulfilling relationship with her friends (just sobbing over here) and her family. She can find sex or a date in the short term but she’s really not interested in anything short term at this point.
3. What food or drink gets you in the mood?
Aphrodisiacs are hooey, she likes chocolate and strawberries, and oysters are gross. She’s not really interested in food play as part of sex. She thinks a light food would be advisable pre-sex, nothing heavy or gas inducing.
Brief hiatus for discussing gas and E. coli. you’re welcome 🙂
4. Know any good sex jokes?
She has none! We’ll try another day, another quickie.
5. What is your ultimate interior decor for having sex? + What is your ideal sex location?
Build your ideal Sims house and scenario! Or in terms Hannah prefers, your Dream Daddy game scenario:
Hannah is a woman of simple wants. She wants something clean. Something between hospital sterility and really nasty. Maybe a fancy hotel. (But with a groupon!)
Her ideal sexual scenario, in summation: With her equally thrifty and neat husband, have sex in a relatively sterile hotel room, for a reasonable amount of time and then play Sims and watch a murder mystery show.
6. What’s your ideal porn?
Basic professor student, or to be more niche, something involving archeology, because she loves the movie The Mummy.
But as far as murder mystery role plays, she’s not necessarily into that (despite the many murder mystery parties that she throws) but she is very into the sexual tension between Miss. Fisher and Jack in Miss. Fisher Murder Mysteries.
SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!
7. Do you have a favorite movie or tv sex scene?
She doesn’t really, but she does usually like the build up more than the actual sex scene. Will-they-won’t-they is usually more fun to watch anyway.
Shows we recommend for decent post coital relationships:
Castle, New Girl, Buffy, Pushing Daisies, Bones
(Sissel vehemently disagrees with the assessment of Bones, for the record.)
8. Fuck Marry Kill – Harry, Ron, and Hermione
Marry Hermione
Fuck Harry
Kill Ron
Hannah had a huge crush on Daniel Radcliffe back in the day. Rupert Grint is cute but book Ron is meh.
Everyone agrees that you should marry Hermione.
We have some disagreement about Ron versus Harry. We can agree that Draco Malfoy or Ginny or Dean would be much better alternative fucks.
Lucy would even consider Voldemort before Harry and Ron.
Quickie honorable mention to movie Cormac McClaggen.
9. What’s your ultimate fictional dibs?
Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds
There are no good relationship moments for him… because this show does him a disservice for relationships. So disappointing.
Hannah kind of likes that he’s never really had a love interest because he’s available. He’s also presented as pretty asexual. We all agree he is cute.
10. What makes you feel sexy?
Her own body makes her feel sexy. She really likes her own legs! (Spoiler alert she has great legs).
She doesn’t always feel sexy in her body but she likes putting effort in and that makes her feel sexy. She is really good at makeup! As she says she has watched a lot of makeup tutorials.
It’s normal to have some insecurities. She still feels sexy even though she sees her own body as a work in process.
This is a beautiful emotional quickie. Hannah feels nothing.
Thank You For Listening!
We are all able-bodied, cisgendered white women. We know our background and experiences only cover a percentage of those around us which is why we want to supplement this with guest speakers, research, and you. If you have opinions and experiences you’d like to share we would love to hear it! If, however, you just want to spew hate at us then we can’t stop you but instead we invite you to suck our collective clitorises. Hater. This podcast also contains mature sexual themes and swearing. No, clitoris isn’t a swear word.
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