“She sweet, but she thirsts for flesh”
In which we check in with the crew for a quick update on when they last masturbated during these weird, weird times. Self care is very important.
When did the Throbbers last masturbate?
This will be short. (Or will it?)
Sissel
Last time she masturbated was the week prior to this recording, while on vacation with her family in a cabin. It was a bit awkward, like being back in high school.
Quick Sex Toy Aside
While at the cabin her mother discovered a cock ring, a Pure Romance brand cock ring, that the owner (likely) left behind in a drawer. Her mom brought it out to ask Sissel and her brother if they knew what it was. Both of them claimed they did not recognize the bright, purple sex toy. Sissel thinks her brother probably didn’t know, but could be wrong.
One day she might tell her mother what she actually found, but that is not today.
Quick Fisting Aside
Once upon a time Lucy’s family was at a Mexican restaurant, casually discussing Fifty Shades of Grey, and her mother asked what fisting was… as their waiter stood there. #awkward
But back to the when the Throbbers masturbated…
Sissel was wearing some stiff, real denim, shorts. They rubbed the right way, ya know what we’re saying? Then she got bored, then sleepy, then she decided to “take a nap” which really just became masturbation. Then there was the added complication of wanting to read erotica with bad internet and her family being in the other room. Great times.
Did Lucy Masturbate?
Lucy is joined this episode by…Lucy? Her new cat is named Lucifer, aka Lucy. Hope that’s cleared it up.
She masturbates a lot less these quarantine days. But coincidentally she was feeling it just the day before this recording. It was an economical, to-the-point experience. With toys.
Another Aside: Sex Toy Edition
Toys make things go faster, but a good old fashioned fingering sesh is sometimes very nice. And when do you have more time for a leisurely fingering sesh than on vacation? Even if having toys on vacation would be nice… despite the fear of someone discovering a vibrating toy in your luggage.
TSA is probably very un-excited about your vibrator. Though Gina posits that the TSA could play a fun game of Vibrator Presidency (…Supremacy?) (Though a vibrator for a President would be preferable to our current president. Vibrators make everyone happy!)
Hannah
Hannah did masturbate last week, but she does often go quite a while without masturbating. And then she has a several-day-long spree. But then after a couple days, she starts to become too sensitive and the last time was one of the days where she really wanted to masturbate but it didn’t feel that good but she just had to power through. (Apparently.)
Hannah thought she’d masturbate more when she moved out of her parents, but even now, she’ll have these dreams in which she cock blocks herself. It is very frustrating.
Another Aside: Kelly’s Dream
Kelly recently had a sex dream which the Throbbers featured in. (She didn’t have sex with them, much to everyone’s disappointment.) In the dream we went to a club (our obviously favorite pastime in the days of yore).
In the dream, we were all taking turns dancing with this guy, and when it was Kelly’s turn he actually came on her. He was very embarrassed and apologetic, we were laughing at him, mostly to diffuse the situation. Which all reminded Gina of an episode of Shameless. Dance floor orgasms happen.
When did Kelly masturbate?
The last time she thought to masturbate was the night before, to help her fall asleep. Cause that’s what you do sometimes. She’d finally had the caffeine kick in really late, and sometimes an orgasm really just helps take the edge off so she can go to sleep.
Mildly related, she’s re-reading Twilight, and realizing that she finds them extremely unsexy. Everyone agrees, and Lucy points out that the only good versions of sexy Twilight are fan fictions anyways. That’s what Fifty Shades of Grey was, for goodness sakes! All the other good ones have been deleted from fanfiction.net because they tried to sell them to book publishers.
Sissel recalls fondly the only sexy scene from the series which is the “tent scene” . (See below the movie version.)
We then discuss Jacob and how much he does or does not suck. Sissel and Maisie are mildly Team Jacob, but Lucy points out his obnoxious “friend zone” tendencies. Sissel rebuts with the fact that yes, he sucks, but unlike Edward, Bella can have sex with him without it being all dramatic.
Also, friendly reminder that Jacob ends up with Bella’s daughter, and it’s totally not weird except it is, it’s very weird, ew.
Maisie
Ah yes, Maisie recalls the last time well. It was August 4th, a month prior to this recording. She doing an experiment, because on the nexplanon birth control (always talk to your Primary Care Provider about your birth control choices, and do some research yourself!) that she only gets legitimate periods when orgasms, otherwise it’s just light spotting. So in order to have no periods she’s trying to not masturbate.
Gina is a bit offended about this (see, Gina: “Having sex is part of my fucking self care routine”), but Maisie can try whatever she wants! Her body her choice, always! But also, why is birth control not as functional as we all want it to be?
She has tried some more experimentation to see if there was a specific time during her cycle when masturbating didn’t have an effect. In her research, there seems to be some evidence that the contractions you experience during orgasms will affect your body’s period outflow. Orgasms also can theoretically help with cramping (not in Kelly’s experience). All pretty moot since she’s not even orgasming at all these days.
We’ll keep you posted on the progression of Maisie’s science experiment.
Did Gina masturbate?
It was sometime yesterday evening or the morning of this recording. Time is nebulous these days. It was light out… that’s all she knows. She is currently moving, so her vibrator is strategically packed for easy access. She doesn’t remember what she was thinking about, probably just really going for sensation. She’s been masturbating a lot lately, partially because she’s been on a lot of 6 ft apart park dates that are extremely sexually frustrating due to lack of contact. She’s actively searching for an exclusive casual relationship to get her through this pandemic. It’s a challenge.
This has been a Very Important Throbbers Update, you may now resume your daily lives.
Thank You For Listening!
We are all able-bodied, cisgendered white women. We know our background and experiences only cover a percentage of those around us which is why we want to supplement this with guest speakers, research, and you. If you have opinions and experiences you’d like to share we would love to hear it! If, however, you just want to spew hate at us then we can’t stop you but instead we invite you to suck our collective clitorises. Hater. This podcast also contains mature sexual themes and swearing. No, clitoris isn’t a swear word.
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